I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
