I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
