i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
