4 words: hood of his car
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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