my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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