I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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