Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
