you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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