After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
