He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
