I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
