idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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