Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
