i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
