You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize