Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
