Are we in a gay sports bar?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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