i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize