You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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