I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
