You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
