Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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