atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
