I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just tell him i said nine months
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize