it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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