i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
