God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
