i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
