Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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