Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
