I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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