Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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