if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
