Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
