He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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