somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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