My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
