Define "chronic" masturbator.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
