in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize