Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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