I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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