Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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