It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
