Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
