Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
