You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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