when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
