The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize