Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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