What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
