What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
