He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
