just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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