I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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