Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
