Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
