Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
