just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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