I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
