GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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