In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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