awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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