I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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