Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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