My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
