high people should be assigned attendants
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
