Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My pussy is not your playground.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
