I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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