My sheets look like a crime scene.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
