It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's always time for handjobs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
