oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize