why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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