I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
