distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
