you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
