I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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