you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
