whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
