Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
