And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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