You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
